My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize