So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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