ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
