you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
