i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
