Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
