I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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