When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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