He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
