I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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