Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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