The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
