Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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