Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
how does that bad decision feel?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
