don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
