your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
