apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
operation have a gay friend backfired
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
