I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
