A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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