Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
