my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize