Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
