The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
