we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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