the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
