Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
