I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
