Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
