Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
