I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
