I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
