I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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