My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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