We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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