the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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