So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
