U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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