I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
