if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
