I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
