I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
FUCK WHALES
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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