Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize