Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize