Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
