true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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