he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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