He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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