bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He kissed a someone with a penis
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Randomize
