Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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