just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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