I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
