I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
