I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so let's talk penis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
