how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
