I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
