my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
