pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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