Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize