The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
