A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
