If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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