it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
