i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
