I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
