hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
