he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
