Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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