sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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