not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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