her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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